You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just pee around me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize