honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize