I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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