i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
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Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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