you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize