Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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