i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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