but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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