so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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