I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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