I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize