Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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