did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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