Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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