Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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