Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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