Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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