omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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