he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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