??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize