Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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