help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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