Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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