I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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