I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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