Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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