But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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