I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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