why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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