I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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