You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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