I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize