Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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