it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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