Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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