you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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