I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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