Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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