She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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