It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize