oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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