Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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