I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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