Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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