I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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