dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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