you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize