"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have tasted many bathrooms
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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