so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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