TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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